Now I recall why I decided to drown myself in BSG.
Because that way I won’t have the extra brain capacity to realize that, oh yes, we were supposed to be boots on the ground in Japan right now.
I may go cry myself to sleep now.
I think that… my heart hurts.
Because I’m on season three. And everything is so broken.
Everyone is so broken.
Starbuck is broken.
And it’s really painful to try and reconcile a year and a half ago to now.
She was happy. She was happy with Sam. She was happy with her moron that she married who played pyramid in the cold even when he had pneumonia.
And then it all fell to pieces. Again. Which I knew it was coming. I did. But I didn’t anticipate it to hurt so much. I didn’t expect what I would feel when Sam found her in that apartment. I didn’t expect how much it would hurt to watch Leoben’s mind games rip them apart.
And don’t even get me started on the dogtag. Or how she cut her hair. Or what she said to him when they stepped out of the jury.
That truly broke my heart. Because I believe she loved him enough to push him away before she could do any real damage to him. She knew she was a stick of dynamite, waiting to go off, and got Sam clear before that could happen. Before she could hurt him. So she wouldn’t take him down with her.
Basically we’ve both saved and lost Sam over the course of this evening and I’m having trouble dealing with the emotional fallout in response to this, not even including Starbuck.
This is all quite honestly a crapping mess and I want to keep watching but I have a full plate of gear haul out for camp tomorrow and yeah.
I’m having a “this was both the worst and best decision of my month” moment right now.
Can I also just mention how Starbuck could’ve taken Scar out. She had the capability and the skill, but it would’ve been one of those close shaves. She would’ve made it, because she’s Starbuck, but there would’ve been a chance that she wouldn’t have survived.
So she could’ve taken him out. She could’ve been on that box, watching Kat eat her words instead of the other way around. (Also, I don’t believe enough attention is applied to the fact that Starbuck crapping dropped Scar into Kat’s lap for her to finish him off.)
And she didn’t.
Because she couldn’t risk it.
A few months ago, she would’ve. In a heartbreat. Because that’s who Starbuck was. The risk taker. The insane one. The best pilot because of it.
And she didn’t because she has to get back to Caprica to save Sam. And dying in a potentially fatal run at Scar would’ve meant she wouldn’t be there when it’s time to go rescue him.
I have had five hours of sleep and this episode gives me many emotions.
gETTING HUGGED BY PEOPLE WHO ARE PHYSICALLY TALLER AND BIGGER THAN YOU IS AMAZING
ITS LIKE BEING WRAPPED IN A BIG WARM PROTECTIVE HEAT BLANKET AND ITS WONDERFUL
HUGGING PEOPLE THAT ARE LITTLER THAN YOU IS GREAT TOO LIKE THEY FIT PERFECTLY IN YOUR ARMS AND THEY’RE LITTLE AND ADORABLE AND REMINISCENT OF HUGGING A SMALL ANIMAL
JUST HUGGING PERIOD
Kara Thrace missing Samuel Anders in “Scar” = monstrously not okay. At all.
Because she crapping misses him and it’s killing her because she doesn’t even know if he’s still alive out there somewhere but she wants for him to still be waiting for her so badly and it is 0300 and I am go cry now.
Also, I dislike Cat (Kat?) even more than Cain, Baltar, Six, and Tigh combined. It’s just—geah I can’t explain or I will feel like hitting something. She just infuriates me because, can’t she crapping see that there are bigger things on Starbuck’s plate besides this cocky power and glory bid that Kat’s trying to pull off?
So what if you won against that one crapping raider? There’s still an army out there. So what if you got to drink out of the top gun mug? Starbuck will always be able to take you. You are a crapping washout and you think a few months of experience is going to give you a leg up above the greatest and most insane pilot left in the whole crapping galaxy? I don’t think so.
Wow. Sorry. That came out. It’s been building. Especially this episode. I was honestly surprised that Kat didn’t try to make Starbuck lick her crapping boots at the end there.
And while she’s crowing over her small victory, what does Kara crapping Thrace do? She pours that drink, she tells Kat she earned it, and then forgets the stupid rivalry and starts crapping listing every pilot that she has lost since the beginning of this war.
I love Starbuck. She is mess. She screws up royally a lot. She’s insubordinate. She drinks too much and she (…tries?) to sleep around.
But she is crapping loyal. She knows what’s important. She loves deeply and she keeps her word and she looks out for her family.
And I need to sleep now before I get any further worked up.